im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
