What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
