cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
