Already got asked if we're dating
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Randomize
