i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
