There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
