i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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