Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
