How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it hurts more in the daytime
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
