Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
