You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
