i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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