oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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