she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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