Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
