: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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