if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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