He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
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She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
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Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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