shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
