I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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