She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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