you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
