vagina is talking i cant
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize