i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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