My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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