You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
