I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
