How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
