Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
