I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
