Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
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Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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