I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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