I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
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Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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