i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
