so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
