You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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