you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
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We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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