That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
