i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
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i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
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I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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