I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
