in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
