What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
