just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
