This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
