If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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