Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
