apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
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I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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