shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
