...so i touched it.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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