You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
