just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
