Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
