Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
