Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
