I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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