I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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