When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
