Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm at about main and main street
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Randomize
