your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
