So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
