OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Boobs are out for the taking
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
