i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
