Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
