If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
