it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
